is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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