that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
