this beer tastes like vomit already
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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