He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
