can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
