matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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