so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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