I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
