I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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