What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
