Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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