Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
