Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
