There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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