you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
