she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
