I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
