In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
