you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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