I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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