My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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