Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
