Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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