you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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