Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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