Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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