its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
