God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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