I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize