Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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