How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize