If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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