I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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