I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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