it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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