Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
