I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
