She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
