guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
