No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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