i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
