we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
