id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize