All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
