I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize