omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
