You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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