Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i have two assholes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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