no, he came in my armpit
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
