I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
