this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
