A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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