I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
