I have demons in me.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
