I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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