Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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