it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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