And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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