I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
