I understand Curling. That high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
