My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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