literally had 100 drinks last night.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
