When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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