You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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