I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
