Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
